EXT ALLOTMENT MIDNIGHT
An AGEING CAREER POLITICIAN stands beneath a clear sky, under a bright scimitar moon.
AGEING CAREER POLITICIAN
”Put a handle on that moon and it would be a sickle.”
He’s a multi-millionaire, but you wouldn’t know it from his clothes.
He looks like he’s been dressed by a charity store, who gave him a suit.
He holds something in a clenched hand.
CLOSE ON as he opens the hand and see what’s on his palm.
MAGIC BEANS. The glow of them lights his face and he smiles.
He closes his hand and kneels in the dirt of the allotment. With his other hand he tries to dig a hole, but the soil will not shift.
He tries harder. But the soil will not shift.
LOOK OVER HIS SHOULDER as he struggles to make a hole.
A FIGURE is coming up behind him. Quietly. Swiftly.
He doesn’t notice. He mutters at the ground. He puts the beans down at the side and tries with both hands. But he can’t make a hole. He is getting angry now.
THE FIGURE is coming closer and closer. We can see details now.
It’s a UNICORN with a red star on its white chest.
UNICORN
“The ship is leaving the port.”
The AGEING CAREER POLITICIAN turns sharply.
AGEING CAREER POLITICIAN
“Come back with a saddle and I will ride you.”
The UNICORN laughs. The old man scowls. The UNICORN bears its teeth. Foam and spittle flick out as it laughs so hard it goes down to kneel on one knee. Right on top of the magic beans.
AGEING CAREER POLITICIAN
“Get off my magic beans!”
The UNICORN abruptly stops laughing.
UNICORN
“The magic has left your beans. And if you don’t start fighting Brexit today you will be punished by fate.”
AGEING CAREER POLITICIAN
“NO. Don’t. Tom Watson can never become leader of the Labour Party.”
The UNICORN chuckles.
UNICORN
“No. Not that.”
AGEING CAREER POLITICIAN
“Then what?”
UNICORN
“Chuka Umunna will become PM, while you are still leader of the Labour Party. Your believers will howl in disbelief. And Chuka will go hither and thither with the wind, but he will be PM.”
The old man’s eyes widen. He grabs the UNICORN’S horn and tries to pull it off.
The UNICORN laughs and fades away.
The old man shakes his head.
AGEING CAREER POLITICIAN
“All options remain on the table. All options remain on the table.”
He scrabbles for his beans. The beans turn to dust in his hands.