LCD Views can report rumours today that CrossParty Collaborators, the production company behind the soon to be released 2019 remake of ‘The Italian Job’, is coming in for a fair bit of wellie today over changing the ending of the British crime classic.
While most of the details of the rehash have been kept secret by the film makers, inevitability gossip has been leaked to the press. And it’s the decision to allow the criminals to get away with the crime that is ruffling the most feathers.
“They did add some lovely touches though,” LCD Views’ film critic defended CrossParty, “casting disgraced former defence secretary Liam Fox as a new character who is in theory fencing the goods, but in reality is rubbish at it, as he’s always looking for a friend called Adam, was a nice touch,
“And having the rest of the cast chorus ‘He’s behind you!’ while pointing at a curtain, brought some new comic relief to what is now a well trodden plot. Each scene in which a curtain is present sets you up for some laughs. You know it’s coming.”
And what about changing the head of the gang to a woman, that’s pretty 2019 and woke?
“Yes, Theresa May does a passable Michael Caine voice throughout in her role as Charlie Croker. Although not as good as either Steve Coogan or Rob Brydon in ‘The Trip to Spain’, but I say good on her for giving it a go, even though she must have known she was going to fail and anyone with half a brain wouldn’t have touched the role with a barge pole,
“But having the actual Michael Caine do a cameo mid film wherein he encourages the gang to keep going, at a point when they’ve misgivings, with the rousing words ‘it’s better to die poor and be free’, well, it tugged at my heart strings. Something about old, successful, wealthy British actors backing the con gets you right in the feelings.”
So why change the ending?
“It’s to better mirror the UK in 2019. In the original the crime gang are left hanging, and you know they either have to exit empty handed, although attempting to do so could cause most of them to perish, or they can rush to the front and crash to the bottom of the ravine with their ill gotten gains.”
So what’s different this time?
“Well, in the 2019 film there’s a magic spirit that guides the group called ‘Will of the people’ and he allows them to get out of the bus at either end and run away with the loot.”
I know watching a film involves suspension of disbelief, but how do they pull it off without the bus crashing down and bursting into flames?
“That’s easy. They filled the bus with 65m people before they drove away with the loot. There’s more than enough extras to keep the bus dangling precariously on the cliff edge while the masterminds make off with their ill gotten gains.”
I don’t think I’ll go and see this film.
“You don’t have a choice. It’s screening in every home at the end of March by order of the government unless sanity gets in the way.”