Breaking news today that potentially delusional, definite control freak, wayward vicar’s daughter and somehow still prime minister, Theresa May, is to address the nation this evening ahead of a key votes in parliament this week.
“She’s going to draw on history and lay out a big one,” an insider at 10 Downing Street told LCD Views, “she’s been looking back over the great speeches of past leaders she admires. Stalin, Mao, Cromwell (Irish genocidal phase), Henry VIII and other role models, but in the end some lackey insisted she go for JFK and tweak it.”
But it won’t be the time worn phrasing that is now so old hat, Ms May has twisted the words to give them the kick in the pants she and the Conservative Party require.
“Ask not what you can do for your country, but what you can do to keep the Tory Party together, that’s got a very up to date feel to it,” the insider said, “I mean it’s the guiding ethos of the party of government. We all know that anything required can be sacrificed in order to maintain at least a surface appearance of Tory Party unity. What will you give up today to help the cause? Everyone should be asking themselves that.”
Food. Medicine. Automotive manufacturing. Forefront of medical science. Pet passports. No roaming charges. The NHS itself?
“That’s a great start to the list. Can you think of anything else?”
We can think of a lot. But let’s put freedom of movement bound up with the life chances of the younger generation top of the pile to sacrifice.
“Perfect. Remember, it doesn’t matter what happens this week. It doesn’t matter if the power crazed and duplicitous executive pulls the votes. What matters is that the Tory party looks like it’s still together for another twenty four hours. May might burn the country to the ground and walk away, but at least she’ll be able to say she did her duty by the party.”
I think we can all learn from that.