LCD Views can pass on the rumour we just invented that 10 Downing Street is celebrating today after the UK scored the maximum possible on a new UN backed government dumpster fire ratings chart.
”This is fantastic news,” A. Disaster Capitalist told us, “it just underscores my wisdom in following the lead of Putin cronies by investing in the Conservative Party during their time in government.”
And it isn’t just the offshore tax haven loving funders of the government that are impressed. The high score has sent a ripple and a tingle up the spines of the mastermind’s behind Labour’s revolutionary victory in the 2017 GE.
”To see all those burning dumpsters clustered under the current name of our country keeps me awake at night,” A. Disaster Socialist also enthused, “this just confirms the wisdom of our immortal leader’s backing for the hard right agenda of a jobs first Brexit. Once the middle classes are also eating out of the bins later this year, the people will rise and the red flag will fly over Buckingham Palace where it belongs. And naturally where our president for life will shepherd the flock from.”
But it’s not all plaudits for the new scoring system.
”It’s not exactly an exhaustive chart,” our professional nitpicker commented, “it only involves developed, industrialised countries not subject to physical proxy wars,
”And importantly, there doesn’t appear to be space to get more burning dumpsters under the U.K. and properly record what will clearly be a succession of new high scores as we move into the possibilities afforded by a post Brexit Britannia.”
But we poo poo the killjoys and demand the government arrange a festival of Brexit for the late evening of the 29th March. No transition. No Article 50 extension. Just complete and total country size dumpster fire. Only then can we deal with the EU as equals.
After all, they’ll give us what we demand, or we’ll set even more of ourselves on fire!