LCD Views can report this morning on deep fears regarding how UK Gov will cope with the shock revelation that transport guru Chris Grayling and trade superhero Liam Fox have been ordered into hiding in the Ecuadorian embassy.
It’s believed, although not confirmed in the slightest, that negotiations are currently underway with Julian Assange to have extra bunk beds installed in his broom cupboard to give somewhere for the bungling cabinet ministers to rest.
“They’ve got to hide out somewhere,” our hide ‘n seek analyst reports, “what with Grayling turning everything he touches to turds and Fox finding his big mouth catching up with him, it’s only a matter of time before they generate so much scorn that government grinds to a halt.”
It’s believed Mr Assange was initially receptive to have room mates, but the negotiation is getting bogged down in the details.
“Julian will only let them stay now if they agree to clean out the cat litter tray. He’s run into a bit of strife with the long suffering staff in the embassy over his unwillingness to do chores. He’s also demanding they bring him a special edition of Pokemon Go that he can play just inside the embassy. That’ll take time to work up.”
But the real concerns are what will happen after the dynamic cabinet ministers actually put down their swags.
“There’s a genuine fear that Fox will insist he can takeover discussions with the Americans on Julian’s behalf and Julian will find himself in the back of a van, drugged and experiencing rendition within the hour. And then Grayling of course, is likely to burn down the entire embassy attempting to set fire to one of his farts to amuse the other boys, and thus Assange will find himself out on the pavement. And that’s the last place he wants to be.”
Suggestions they should just hide under a rock have been dismissed because pretty much the entirety of government is already there.