Brexclusive: A leading Brexiter claims that remaining in the EU would mean we would still have an influence. So everything comes full circle at last, as logic catches its own tail and bites itself squarely on the arse.
Legal eagle Dunne O’Howe, rumoured to be the braincell behind the ERG, made the stunning announcement, surprisingly not on the BBC. Extend Article 50, extend our influence, was his unreasonably reasonable argument.
“It’s a no-brainer,” claimed O’Howe. “Which is good news for my cerebrally challenged clients. It’s easier to make the EU dance to our tune from the inside. Ideally, we want to leave as well as stay in. Do you have any more cake?”
“No, you can’t have your cake and eat it,” replied the stunned interviewer. “This isn’t Test Match Special, you know.”
Celebrations among ERG members was muted at best, as MPs struggled with O’Howe’s claim. Not even ERG rentagobshite-in-chief Andrew Bridgen was available to give a response. Instead Graham Brady made a brief statement.
“The extremer you go, the more you risk inadvertently reversing into the opposite position,” said Brady. “The 1922 Committee suffers the same, see-sawing between kingmaker and The Brady Bunch.”
Jacob Rees-Mogg allegedly described the news as “rather uplifting”.
Theresa May, holed up in her Downing Street bunker, is said to be delighted, because remaining in the EU will allow her to pass Draconian laws to prevent foreigners gaining access to our hallowed shores.
As with all matters Brexit, we must seek the opinion of the most influential Brexpert, Nigel Farage.
“It’s brilliant!” he coughed, lighting another Capstan Full Strength. “We need to escape the corrosive influence of the evil USA and WTO! It’s the ultimate Brexit contradiction. I’m changing the name of my movement to Leave Means Remain forthwith!”
Finally, clarity. We still do not know what Brexit means, but at least we can be sure that it doesn’t mean Brexit.
https://www.theneweuropean.co.uk/top-stories/martin-howe-on-a-longer-extension-to-brexit-1-5916724