“I think you would find that for the very poorest children experiencing military combat at an early age, they will find it rather uplifting,” Hacob Reeks-smogg, MP for the 19th century, told LCD Views (well, we think he did, he spoke only in porcine latin and we had to translate),
“one could simply refight the Boer War. I would suggest also the Opium Wars, as there is more than sufficient sunshine in the Orient, but my colleague Gavin Williamson appears to already have that in hand,
“I trust Ms May to have her eye on a total conquest of the Hindu Kush, which even in winter has sufficient sunlight, due to the elevation of the mountains. Once conquered, newly subject territories will be more than ready to sign a free trade deal. Thus eliminating the need for any further negotiations with the tyranny in Brussels.”
The MP was speaking after the publication of a Huffpost article which addressed the growing problem of the return of 19th century diseases in 21st century Britain.
“You should link to the Huffpost article at the end of your exhaustive examination of my diatribe. That way your readers can see how effective in changing living standards, for the most vulnerable, nine years of Conservative rule has been.”
While refighting the Boer War may initially seem controversial, LCD Views has it on good authority that there is still sufficient mineral wealth in southern Africa to ensure the enterprise pays for itself in the long run.
“It would also address the issue of insufficient carpentry skills in the indigenous English population,” JRM continued,
“once enough young fellows from the slums of London have strengthened their bones with days in the sunshine and meals of antelope, they can set to work building humanitarian camps for the relief of the local population, who will be only too willing to move house and experience the civilising touch of Brexit Britain in their previously wilderness homeland. As was the case in the earlier Boer War, as I explained on the television recently.”
This is genius. It will also help with the social cleansing of London estates and end the need for food banks.
“Imagine the espirit de corps amongst the poor? It’s, if you don’t mind me saying so, a good colonial war will be a cure all. Pith helmets for all. Veni, Vidi, Bonorum meorum non movetur ad Dublin ante bellum.”
https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/rickets-symptoms-and-treatment_uk_5c751e8ae4b0bf16620310a8