A woman who should know better has spoken exclusively to LCD Views today in the hope of convincing everyone to rot away their brains.
She says she scrapes the mould off her jam and uses it for a brain and you should do it too.
”Not just your brain, your conscience too,” she adds, “you find doing ghastly things to people based on little more than their accident of birth and/or skin colour is incredibly easy once you allow mould to make all the difficult life choices for you.”
The frank admission is welcome and helps explain much of the record of ghastly, costly, xenophobic and downright bonkers decisions she has taken in nearly a decade of holding high office.
”Once we all have a mouldy brain then we can all reshape the United Kingdom in the image of mycotoxin. The toxins we’ll produce will make dominating the world anew much simpler as we’ll more easily overcome anyone we touch.”
But how do you do it?
”It’s quite simple once you get the hang of it,” she says, “you simply take a butter knife, find a jar of jam with mould on the top, scrape off the jam and then repeatedly jam the mould smeared flat of the knife against your forehead while repeating an incantation.”
What is the incantation?
”Red, white and blue Brexit. Hubble bubble. I am going to make a success of it. Hocus pocus. Let my brain be made of mould found on jam. Abracadabra.”
See, so simple any idiot can do it.