Blazing good news for lovers of traditional British industries today with the announcement that the U.K. is to replace the departing car industry with the building of a Wicker Man.
”People keep focusing on the downsides of Brexit, even though they’re arent any,” Brexit Secretary Stephen “Doesn’t Know Foreigners’ Names” Barclay told us, “like the NHS stockpiling body bags for the famine this summer, and the car industry saying you can go f*ck yourself, we’re off, well here’s something everyone can applaud.”
The building of the giant Wicker Man is expected to be a total boon to the country’s wicker industry.
”Currently wicker growing is in recession, thanks to the EU,” Mr Barclay goes on, and on, “but after Brexit that will be British industry. I’d get shares now, before the industry produces its first unicorn.”
The construction of the iconic figure, with a cage inside to hold people who can’t be allowed to say what they know, will be done at a secret location.
”This is so the German car industry doesn’t steal the design,” Barclay trumpets, “we’re going to be the world leaders in this industry. Imagine if we can put wheels on them? Amazing.”
It’s not clear yet who will be chosen to be burned inside the figure but the Brexit Secretary has a twinkle in his eye.
”Everyone. But don’t tell anyone.”
Sixty five million people?
”Well, not that many clearly. The architects of Brexit from the Tory Party will be in France with their trotters up.”
And their Labour collaborators?
”Moscow I expect. Seumas is taking them sightseeing in the summer. But you’ll be here, because you won’t be rich enough to leave.”
F U Brexit. F U.