The production megalith Netflix is said to be in a “total panic” and “lockdown” today after a hacker, presumed to be from Leicester (pronounced ‘Ly-chester’), broke through their cyber security and made off with a copy of the sequel to their smash hit Bird Box.
“The film has been under guard both physical and digital since filming wrapped last week. No one was even supposed to know it exists,” our entertainment correspondent reports, “but somehow the hacker found out and got in and got it.”
The film, currently titled ‘Bird Box 2’ is not due for release until the summer. The delay in following up number one is over a debate at headquarters over what to call it.
”Bird Bath is the likely choice. Or Bird Cage. Avian Flu – the revenge, this time it’s personal. Or perhaps Feathered Alcatraz.”
So what will the streaming garaganton do about the theft?
”I expect we will see Bird Box 2 available for streaming a lot sooner than the summer,” our correspondent says, “as the digital Ahab tries to get back on the front foot. Before you know it you’ll be settling down to watch Sandra Bullock’s character make an unfeasible blindfolded trip through a wood she has never been to before, and you’ll want her to make it.”
Great! Bird Box one was a little ribbon and bows at the end, but otherwise a fun and thrilling film.
Is there anything else you can tell us about number two?
”Yes. They’ve taken the horror to an all new level.”
How’s that?
”This time the plot will feature characters driven mad by just looking at Nigel Farage.”