Little English diplomacy is set to ramp up to full throttle over the weekend as Theresa May returns to Brussels armed with a clincher to any argument involving de-contextualised nationalism, of the English variety.
”She’ll be power dressing and packing her fiercest extended stare,” aide to PM TM, Mr A B. Ottle-gin, told LCD Views, “oh, and her patented motorbike chain necklace.”
But what could she possibly say to Barnier now to have him suggest to the EU27 that the backstop is done away with, just to satisfy the DUP.
”Backstop means backstop, and I aim to put a stop to it,” she will open with, “and that will have the normally unrufflable Barnier disorientated. I expect he’ll have to sit down just to take it in.”
So that’s the one, what’s the two punch?
”It’s more of a sucker punch, he won’t see it coming. Although if he’s paying attention he’ll be clued in by her Saint George flag patterned power suit, I suppose.”
We promise not to print it, just tell us what the killer move is?
”Okay. She’s going to jab her index fingers into the air over her head one after the other while taunting Barnier with the staple of English diplomacy. Two world wars and a packet of crisps!”
You wot mate? That’s a TV show, isn’t it? And they were really likeable characters.
“Play the tape back. What did I say?”
(pause)
”Oh! Ha! Two world wars and one World Cup! Faced with that blast of British exceptionalism he’s going to fold and the backstop is dust.”
I doubt it. I see a score of 2-0 against May’s deal come Monday, if that’s all she’s holding.