John Humphrys is under heavy sedation and Nick Robinson has been given an action man figurine (resembling himself) to play with, at news that the grand old lady of British broadcasting, the BBC, is to be renamed the Brussels Broadcasting Corporation.
“It’s to tie in with the relocation of broadcasting services, ahead of Brexit, to the Belgium capital,” Jean-Claude Junker told LCD Views, after we got him on the broken news hotline, “so that the Beeb can continue to enjoy a license to broadcast within the EU. I am to be made governor, just to really get under Andrew Neil’s wig.”
And Andrew Neil isn’t the only one expected to go beetroot in colour at the shift in name and geography.
“But the English have never been ruled by anybody,” Andrew Marr is to stammer in shock, “and apparently I’m a historian. What are the English anyway? If not a mixture of such a vast array of European peoples that you can not say for certain which one ruled us. Therefore I am correct.”
The move to Brussels is expected to be finalised by the 29th March so that when Brexit happens and all our international treaties and agreements are torn up, at least the Brussels Broadcasting Corporation will be safe. And all the political journalists paid eye-watering salaries to spout pretty much unadulterated bollocks nowadays.
But might the shift lead to a change in editorial style? A more Europhile perspective?
“Not if Sarah Sands keeps on controlling the Today programme,” we were reassured, “and all the other Tory placemats that Cameron put in place to castrate what was once a great British institution.”
I ask you, is there anything David Cameron didn’t infect with toxin during his time in Downing Street?
In the meantime we suggest Humphrys is kept sedated. We’re not sure how well he’ll cope with being ruled by the iron fist of Brussels.
The BBC to become the BBC, the people have decided.