Britain’s greatest living zygote, David Cameron (no longer an MP) has generously offered to lead a government of national unity to resolve what appears to be a minor national crisis.
”I can do it in my spare time,” Mr Cameron advised, “you know, when I’m not working on my memoirs. Which I’m not working on full time.”
The offer, from a statesman who arguably has had a greater impact on the course of modern British history than even George Galloway, is not one to be dismissed out of hand.
”I think tomorrow, you know, after I’ve finisjef buying some high grade skunk off a hoodie I got to know on a hugging spree,” Mr Cameron illuminated, “I’ll rock on down to my old pad and offer Theresa the chance to be the deputy of someone other than a Unionist. We will smoke a few bowls and look forward to just chillaxing our way through Brexit baby. Yeah.”
But critics have attacked the open handed gesture from Briton’s greatest living diarest.
”They’re just jealous of his book deal,” famous five survivor, and now scrap metal dealer, Timmy commented, “he’s like smashed it on the advance. Amaze balls. Pity he spunked it all on meth. Ha! Hey, is that fridge in your backyard to go?”
Bit critics notwithstanding, Mr Cameron’s big hearted offer also has the support of the Labour leader.
”Anything to keep me out of the job till after Lexit happens brother,” Mr Corbyn chuckled, “I mean comrade. It’ll give me time to get on with my plan to open The Jeremy Corbyn School of Political Strategy.”
We await with pork scratching bated breath to see if the screechingly terrified executive of Theresa May accepts the offer, but in the meantime we advise you to get high and tune out.