House of Commons deputy head and all round action man (you have to be when your own party wants to kill you politically) John Bercow is in danger of opening numerous sick notes tomorrow, in advance of the meaningful assembly being held to celebrate democracy, when he glances at the rolls to see who has turned up for class.
But most notable may be a note from the MP for Maidenhead, currently the head teacher, who it is rumoured is right now considering calling in sick for work with complete disregard for her students’ welfare.
“It wouldn’t surprise old Bercow,” an aide to the deputy head told LCD Views, on the condition that we do not print the rumour,
“she’s a complete control freak. Runs the entire school like a wet dream fantasy Victorian psycho head mistress. But it’s just that, an act, and it’s not even method,
“And a control freak living out a fantasy of power who is faced with not being in control? Well, they tend to run. The MP for Maidenhead will probably forge a note with her mum’s signature, forgetting she’s head and not student in her panic. But Bercow will know the handwriting. It’s not going to be good. She may get detention for a week or even be excluded.”
But the MP for Maidenhead is not the only MP expected to cook up a dodgy excuse.
“The ERG drama class are right now discussing on Whatsapp if they can all call in sick with a funny tummy? Their ringleader was outsmarted into calling a no confidence vote and now he doesn’t even want to turn up. Which is okay. They still get to use the toilets first at break even if they don’t do their homework.”
If only the MP for Maidenhead had a reputation for being a drinker, she could call in sick and everyone would know she had a rotten hangover and just let it slide, again.
“It’s not like we can even look to school counsellor Corbyn for leadership,” the aide ads, “he’ll probably not turn up for the democracy assembly either, claiming he forgot to set his alarm again.”