The four horsemen of the apocalypse – Death, War, Pestilence, and the other one – have been joined by a fifth. The newcomer, in a class of his own, is Brexit.
It is hard to argue with the choice. Brexit brings chaos where there is order, dearth where there is plenty, and general pissed-off-ness in place of harmony.
In fact, Brexit has already spread so much confusion that his horse is insisting that the spot on his nose is actually a vestigial horn from a unicorn.
The other horsemen, after initially celebrating, are now regretting the decision. “Brexit will be the cause of many a death,” complained Death. “Bloody newcomers, putting me out of a job!”
“Yeah, Brexit is about to start a civil war out of nothing more than name-calling,” remoaned War. “I’ve been trying to do that for years. Not even Hitler fell for that one!”
“Brexit is causing a shortage of medicines,” observed Pestilence. “Who needs pestilence, when Brexit can reverse hundreds of years of progress in a matter of months?”
“It’s all a bit shit, innit,” agreed the other one. “Whatever I do, Brexit does it better. Or worse, depending on your point of view. What’s the point in being a horseman of the apocalypse if this bloody usurper breezes along and completely takes over?”
It is only reasonable to reflect upon how Brexit gatecrashed the liberal elite and shat on their poncy table. Some tawdry talent show – The Brex Factor, or Brexit’s Got Talent, one of those – invited auditions and put the vote to the public. In this lottery. 52% voted for Brexit, which was instantly accepted as the fifth horseman.
Subsequent revelations have shown that the vote was both illegally fought and fraudulently won. The Director General of the Talentless Show, David Camelot, resigned on the spot. This admission of guilt appeased the horseman, which enabled Brexit to dominate the original four.
Unfortunately, Brexit has become too big for his boots. His horse, now his unicorn, is demanding special privileges and refusing to bear him further. Normal service will be resumed as soon as possible.