Famous British musician Plan B, aka Ben Drew, is rumoured to be in hiding today after learning of a Michael Gove plot to kidnap him.
”He’s rumoured to be in protective custody in a Met safe house,” our entertainment correspondent, She Said, speculated wildly, “while it is far from clear how advanced Gove’s kidnap plot is, given everything policy with this government is decided on a just in time basis, it’s felt the musician is best advised to play for safety.”
It’s not the first time an artist has gone into hiding at the mere risk of being physically close to Mr Gove.
”Famous medieval Italian writer Dante is said to have physically entered hell to escape from the clutches of the immortal spectre currently pretending to be Secretary of State for the Environment,” She Said adds unreliably, “although as that stint down below hiding from Gove resulted in the inspiration for his famous immortal work, Dante’s Inferno, hopes are of a similar impact on Mr Drew.”
Should the government succeed in getting its Brexit deal approved by parliament next week, say by perhaps making every sitting MP an Earl or a Duchess, than Plan B will be able to leave hiding, presumably.
”That’s not entirely certain at this point,” She Said clarifies as a point of order, “the use of the indefinite article ‘a’ leaves Ben at risk of being kidnapped not only by serving members of Theresa May’s cabinet, but also Jeremy Corbyn, who will likely wish to include ‘a’ Plan B in his own Brexit policy of negotiating ‘a’ fantasy new customs union with the EU.”
As to what Mr Drew should do in his safe house over the next week?
”He’s should be wary of staying too log,” She Said says, “something he has previously professed to making a habit of doing.”