Snubbed by Brussels which has refused to agree to further talks on her “soft” Brexit deal, UK prime minister Theresa May has appointed a new chief negotiator, Marty Fisher, the fictional pyromaniac with Tourettes syndrome from TV comedy series, Shameless.
Responding to criticism of the move from both Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn, and the right wing of her own party a Downing Street spokesman denied that it in any way smacked of desperation on the part of Mrs May.
“The Prime Minister is fully aware that Marty doesn’t actually exist in the real world but then neither does a Brexit deal that is better than continuing EU membership…. ARSE BISCUIT,” he replied.
“But neither Jeremy, nor Boris, Mogg or any other of the “bastards” appear to realise that, which make him the perfect man for the job….SPUNK-BUCKET,” he added.
Queried on whether fictional Marty’s equally fictional Tourettes affliction might not set the wrong tone in dealings with the fearsomely “real world” negotiating talents of European Commission head Jean-Claude Juncker, the spokesman was equally dismissive.
“After David “no research required, we hold all the cards” Davis and Dominic “Dover’s a port, who knew?” Raab, they’ll find Marty a doddle to deal with, assuming they don’t leave any matches lying around… BONER,” he added.
“Who knows, we may even get a real BUCKET-BIFF, to add to the Prime Minister’s deal … it certainly couldn’t be worse than….NO DEAL BREXIT,” he twitched.