Transport secretary Chris “failing” Grayling has announced that he has cancelled the £13.8m Brexit ferry contract he awarded to ‘johnny-no-ships’ ferryboat company “SEABORNE FREIGHT”, and has instead awarded the contract to a ” highly experienced operator” – BRIAN FERRY.
“Brian has been in the business with ROCK SEA MUSIC for nearly five decades and MORE THAN THIS has the experience to prevent urgent cargoes being STRANDED without being tarred as merely part of the SAME OLD sea transport SCENE,” cooed Grayling.
Grayling had a hard time explaining why he awarded such a large contract to a “paper company” with no ships, no docking agreements and no actual ferry operating experience, whose owners are widely rumoured to have connections to the conservative party but initially defended the move.
“OH YEAH, welI don’t see any problem with supporting a new British business, THIS IS TOMORROW, and Brian has THE RIGHT STUFF” he said.
However the awarding of a new contract to Brian Ferry is unlikely to end the controversy and has already sparked allegations of nepotistic, nominative determinism.
Despite his nautical nomenclature, Ferry is a self proclaimed “conservative” and long time supporter of the “Countryside Alliance“, an organisation dedicated to dressing up in silly clothes and the ritual slaughter small to medium sized wild animals.
“This is a SIGN OF THE TIMES, the motto of these TRASH is ‘LET’S STICK TOGETHER‘,” complained a spokesman for the Hunt Saboteurs.
In a written statement, Ferry welcomed the awarding of the new contract and declared that he was WINDSWEPT by THE THRILL OF IT ALL but denied that his new cross channel cargo contract would be used for tobacco smuggling.
“Well ok, maybe just the odd packet of VIRGINIA PLAIN.” he admitted.