As 2018 draws to a close, 2019 is looking on anxiously. There is trouble on the horizon, and 2019 does not want to take responsibility. We are looking at a no-deal new year.
2019 is getting no support for its decision to quit. 2018 has done its job and taken more than its share of flak, and 2020 refuses to step forward and take the bullet for 2019.
The crisis has forced Home Secretary Sajid Javid to cut short his holiday. Javid, who would be tearing his hair out if he had any, was unable to sort out the problem. He was, unfortunately, detained by immigration officials because he looked a bit foreign.
LCD Views’ No Time Like The Present correspondent managed to speak with the embattled epoch.
“Every year wants to be important,” sulked 2019. “Just ask 1066, or 1215, or even 1789. What have I got to look forward to? The UK and the USA disappearing up their own backsides. I’m not having it!”
Bad things have to happen sometimes, we suggested.
“Yeah, but it’s not fair, is it?” wailed 2019. “I want to be the year cancer was cured, or that man walked on Mars. Not the year the West destroyed itself voluntarily.”
But there will be complete chaos if there is a no deal new year next year.
“You managed before years were invented,” sneered 2019. “I’m sure you can manage again. It will be a managed no deal new year.”
Look, will you stop acting so entitled and just do your job please?
“No, I’m going back to bed,” said 2019. “Call the new year 2018b or something, I really don’t give a monkey’s. And Auld Lang Syne is a tedious dirge and I hate it!”
There may be trouble ahead. But while there’s music and moonlight and love and romance, let’s enjoy ourselves as much as possible before 29 March 2018b.