Queen Elizabeth II has left the pretenders flailing in her wake this year by topping the Christmas 2018 singles music chart with her own cover of the Sex Pistols classic ‘Anarchy in the U.K.’
”The reworked lyrics of the time honoured classic by the old punk outfit, Reproductive Activity Armaments, otherwise known as the (whisper it) Sex Pistols, really capture the sense of anticipation one’s subjects feel in consideration of the rapidly approaching new year,” someone claiming to be Queen Elizabeth told us over a line that was a little bit crackly, “forgive the noise on the line, that’ll be Camilla listening in with another handset. NO. I’M NOT ABDICATING TODAY. HANG UP. YOU’RE MAKING THE LINE CRACKLE.”
But while the surprise smash hit by the Queen, who has styled herself as ‘Your Maj’ for the recording and had her hair redone in classic punk for the press photos, has sent ripples through the music industry, the single hasn’t been without controversy.
”She’s recorded it on a golden piano,” our music correspondent said. “but she’s laid down such a heavy drum track while mixing the track that you can barely hear the sounds of the actual ivory being played.”
Critics have also pointed out that the presence of a golden piano is a total shock, given the Queen’s net worth is only a few hundred million.
”I’m not even sure she should be playing it to be honest,” our correspondent speculated, “if she wasn’t the Queen she’d likely be in hot water with antique conservationists.”
Rumours that the Queen plans to go on tour, set fire to the golden piano on stage while performing her smash, and then smash the piano up just to show how her subjects should negotiate 2019 in a spirit of nihilistic unity fitting for Brexit, have been confirmed at the time of going to print.