God has taken time out from his busy schedule of preparing for his son’s birthday party tomorrow to contact his lawyers.
”God is, to put it lightly, not best pleased by any attempt to associate him with the actions of this vicious and shambolic fascist regime currently infesting Downing Street. He has instructed us to issue a cease and desist order,” Knot Fiction, partner at Dead Sea and Scroll, told our legal eagle, “the order pertains to everything Theresa May does policy wise. But he has also issued a gagging order to stop her revealing the contents of the private conservations they hold.”
It’s believed the conversations are in reality one way.
”Theresa believes she is talking to God and he is responding,” Knot adds, “and you know what they say. If you’re taking to God it’s prayer, if God is talking to you…”
But Theresa May watchers believe the Almighty’s legal action will have little impact on what the current British prime minister does.
”She’s not talking to God and she clearly isn’t motivated by any genuine Christian faith, not least in the traditional sense,” observed anyone who has been on the receiving end of policies birthed in the fetid recesses of Ms May’s imagination.
The criticism is backed up further legal complications believed to be facing the PM.
”Satan has stated his intent to sue Ms May over theft of intellectual property and reputational damage,” a spokesman for lawyers for Satan, Also and Fiction revealed, “she’s thieved the hostile environment policies straight out of his lab and far too many people are saying she’s the devil incarnate. Which is causing considerable distress to our client.”