Cabinet discipline of the just in time variety today after Transport Secretary and cabinet drone, Chris ‘Failing’ Grayling, has been told he is banned from flying his toy drones anywhere near Gatwick airport.
We spoke to government heavyweight Liz Truss to find out why.
”I don’t know. No one tells me anything,” she told us, so we told her instead.
It’s because Gatwick airport, the second busiest in the U.K. was shut for thirty hours this week after Chris left one of his toy drones hovering over the airport.
”That’s not possible,” Liz defended her colleague, “Chris doesn’t know how to use his thumbs. How could be fly a drone?”
Because he’s all thumbs. Just like you. In fact, just like the lot of you.
”If he does it again I can send my dog around to bark at him?” Liz offered, deftly switching position on the subject.
Great idea.
”It’ll scare the living daylights out of his drone too.”
No it won’t.
”Yes it will. There’s a clip of me doing the rounds informing the Commons of just that.”
Well, it makes a change from droning on about pork.
The revelation that the calamity at the major transportation hub of Gatwick was caused by none other than the transport secretary himself has at least reassured a country that was starting to wonder what the hell is going on.
”We’re not cereal incompetents,” Liz chipped back in, “I don’t touch the stuff personally.”
At least it wasn’t a Martian invasion. Speculation on social media was pinning the cause of the airport shutdown on UFOs, who having decided to invade a weakened U.K. had then discovered relatively speaking they were very small, and paused midair for thought.
And it’s not the Russians.
And it’s not the terrorists.
And it’s not someone showing up just how completely friggin’ useless this government is as a way of showing what a murderous cluster of calamities any sort of Brexit will be.
It was just old Failing Grayling taking out a key piece of transport infrastructure.
Good luck getting away for Christmas holidays via the airports. If you do manage it, it might be wise to stay away until this shambling horror show of an administration has finally collapsed.
”There’s nothing we can’t screw up,” Liz added, but that, we already know.