One of the great luminaries of the visionary potatriotic society that is reforming Great Britain into an improvised bit of performance art intended to portray emotionally what it is like to live in cellar eating guano and screaming at strangers who occasionally pop their head down to see if you’ve had a wash (the play is best staged in a mothballed abattoir), has generously turned his fierce intellectual light onto the matter of the Titanic and its sinking.
“It was a managed no buoyancy event,” Mr Satan MP said, “it would be a mistake for people to think it was just a calamity, nothing could be further from the truth.”
The clarity Mr Satan has brought to one of the most resonant events in 21st Century history has been welcomed by people who feared that the similarities between Brexit UK and the loss of the Titanic weren’t a good thing.
“No, this simply isn’t true,” Mr Satan continues, “numerous people managed to survive by sitting in life boats until a buoyancy event rescued them. Of course, very many lifeboats weren’t found until the occupants had frozen to death, but it’s best not to mention them. At least they were continuing to experience buoyancy, which just shows that buoyancy isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Or the mass of people who drowned, look the other way out of respect. Or the fact that the whole tragedy could arguably have been avoided with a little less hubris. Hubris is a dynamic force within the spirit of man. It should be embraced.”
Text books will have to be rewritten now to correct what are potentially un-potatriotic perspectives on the Titanic catastrophe?
“The very fact you insist on calling one of the most famous events in the history of modern Britain a catastrophe shows how much work is still to be done.”
And what about a no deal Brexit? To turn for a moment to today’s big issue?
“A managed no deal will be best,” Mr Satan MP smiled, “it’s all just a matter of the words you use. Convince everyone to go along with you and you’re a success.”