LCD Views can report on a tsunami of relief sweeping away concerns across the country today that the UK is the focus of some sort of international, kleptomaniac, far right, fascist coup after the revelation that the current UK parliament is actually just a Russian man in a parliament suit.
“He wears the House of Commons really well,” our College Green fixture, Mr Lawn, reports, “The upper house is just a hat that doesn’t fit, but the lower house, wow, apparently he’s even gone so far as to wear red, white and blue budgie smugglers under the tweed trousers.”
The decision to go with tweed for the entire suit was apparently a controversial one, after all, why not navy blue? But in the end the designers of the suit in the Kremlin, with their partners in the USA and Britain, decided it would be better to blend in with the hoi polloi.
“Calling him Boris has raised a few eyebrows though,” Mr Lawn says, “it’s almost as if the nickname is a homage to someone currently pretending to be an MP. But as you can see by how long the trick has played out, however much time and money they’ve invested to bring it about has so far been worth their while.”
But the knowledge that what seems to generally be amazeballsingly idiotic, callous and just plain stupid behaviour from the 650 MPs currently serving is actually a pre-planned piece of performance art, has soothed nerves.
“There were apparently some concerns that the trick would be exposed soon after it’s launch on the 8th June 2017, but it seems the UK MSM is just not up to the job of wondering why a robot needs to go for a dump so frequently, over everything that made the UK worthwhile.”
Plans to call the performance off are in the pipeline.
“The Russian designers of the act are a little concerned that they’re being outshone by an actual, homemade British robot also seen frequently in Westminster, but as that is programmed to only complete simple tasks such as voicing ‘Brexit means Brexit’ repeatedly, and needs to be constantly turned off and on again or it blue screens, they reckon they’ll keep the gig going for a while yet. At least until the entirety of the UK either crashes or somebody presses the esc key.”