A nanny employed privately by an ideologically hard pressed family has spoken exclusively to LCD Views this morning about how furious she is with the small boy in her charge over his persistent bed wetting.
”I don’t know what set him off this time,” she told us, “he’s been dry as a bone for the last few weeks. Up too late of course. Talking about how he’ll outlaw abortion and put the women back in their place once he’s king of the world, and other progressive ideas, like zero taxation for the rich.”
It sounds like he has a vivid imagination.
”An over active one I’d say. I’m fed up with it all. I keep having to trudge back up the fourteen staircases in my employer’s modest property to tell him to put the walkie talkie away, stop talking to the naughty boys from bad families over it, turn your light out and GO TO SLEEP!”
But no sooner have you returned to the scullery than you hear him at it again?
”Yes. He doesn’t know I have a walkie talkie tuned to the frequency he and Irritable Duncan, and some rather dim and wayward girls, use to plot their ridiculous schemes to overthrow the governess of the publicly subsidised crèche they all go to, when they can be bothered.”
Do you think the bed wetting is related to some personal disappointment? One he can’t process?
”What? Like realising it’s going to take until after Brexit to privatise the food bank industry?”
Something like that. Or perhaps having received a proper spanking from some other boys?
”Oh, perhaps. But it’s got to stop. Jacob is forty nine for crying out loud! He should know better by now! I fear all he’ll ever amount to is a disaster capitalist masquerading as a permanent backbencher, setting off daft schemes due to an inherent and unjustified sense of entitlement! Still, if little Donald Trump was able to use the money his father earned to buy himself high office, maybe one day, Little Jacob will too.”
I wouldn’t count on it.