Contagious news for lovers of changing global reputations today with the announcement that famous bacterium, Yersinia pestis, has been renamed in honour of the United Kingdom’s achievements from 2016 to present.
”It needs a gong,” Professor Caut Redutebatur told LCD Views, “the work you as a country have been doing on the global stage. I mean, just wow, it’s so irresistible, you’ve now former ministers of state wanting to threaten allies and friends with food blackmail. Priti Patel is quite something, in such a crowded field too, a proper pustule. but that’s just the bursting cherry on top. From the moment Theresa May personally decided to trigger Article 50, very likely in a non-constitutional way, just because she hates foreigners? Such a public statement by an entire country? It’s like sneezes on everyone at the dinner table all at once just after telling them you’ve TB! So, a plague upon your houses! Ha! Have an award!”
The change in name will be automatically applied globally from midday today.
”It’s going to be retrospective too, just to really rub the old tincture in. Now when kids learn about the great plagues, they’ll be reading your name instead. It’s only fitting, it’s got to catch with or without the help of flea bearing rats. Especially when you run out the possibilities of what Brexit unleashes. A plague upon everyone’s houses! Ha!”
To find out the reaction to the change to the famous diseases name we decided to talk to the four horsemen of the apocalypse. World renowned experts in this field.
”Hello?” Iain Duncan Smith answered the phone, “is it me, David Davis, Jacob Rees-mogg or an international clique of kleptomaniac fascists you’re looking for?”
You’ll do Iain, what do you think?
”A tissue, a tissue,” he replied, “thanks to Brexsinia brexit, we all fall down.”
If only there was a cure…