“It’s located near the ERG blackhole and has a brittle, metallic crust over a hollow sphere,” Astronomer, Prof Demo Crazy, told our “Space is Amaaaaazing” correspondent, during an interview to discuss the latest findings concerning Planet Raab, “and what’s even more exciting…”
Don’t keep us in suspenders…
“Actually firstly, I should tell you more about Planet Raab’s surroundings. There’s some dull points of interest, but it’s mostly empty space. Shall I go on?”
Of course. It won’t be much of an interview if you don’t.
“Planet Raab is located in the Idiocy Cluster of red dwarf and dim yellow stars. The cluster is far to the right of our solar system, in its usual rotation, and contains famous comets like H-OnlyhadoneBall and Farage-Hedidn’tloseitinaWarhe’sjustasolitaryballBag.”
Our readership already knows these things. Give us a scoop prof!
“It’s inhabited.”
Get out of here! By intelligent life?
(The interview was paused for several minutes. The interviewee laughed so hard at the naive question from our so called science correspondent that they needed time out to recover.)
“What on earth made you ask that question?”
Please don’t patronise me.
“Seriously? I know the age of experts is apparently over, but oh my god.”
Can you just answer the question please? Is Planet Raab inhabited by intelligent life?
“That’s the dumbest question I’ve ever been asked. And I can tell you, since Dave ‘wonder’ Cameron proved too chickenshit to take on a minority of furious racists and deluded imperial fantasists in his party, and turned the UK into a steaming casserole of nonsense, I’ve been asked some pretty dumb things!”
You don’t need to take this out on me, you know? I’m on your side.
“Okay. I’m sorry. Ask your question again and I’ll answer it.”
Is Planet Raab inhabited by intelligent life?
“No. It’s inhabited solely by idiots.”