The news leaked out following the row over the vicar-who-wasn’t-really-a-vicar who appeared on Newsnight’s Brexit debate. The well-worn strategy of run down, then sell off cheap, is clearly in operation here.
Wishing official clarification, LCD Views sought the opinion of a senior member of the Cabinet. The vulpine member for Jolly-on-Expenses, and minister for Air Miles, Dr Liam Fox, was pleased to comment.
“At last! A channel dedicated to me!” he burbled, missing the point entirely. “I will be on TV as often as Nigel Farage!”
We asked Dr Fox what he made of the dodgy pastor and her frequent appearances on the BBC.
“She has a reputation and qualifications comparable to many US pastors,” he remarked robustly. “The US is leading the way in deregulating religion, cutting red tape and allowing anyone sufficiently dedicated to buy a dog collar. Ministry should be for the many, not the few!”
Wrong catchphrase, Foxy. Doesn’t deregulation also devalue the ministry of the Church?
“Not at all,” he replied. “It frees pastors from the shackles imposed by the Bible, which is 2,000 years out of date after all. We want ministers to be able to profit from their profession, like any other proper job. Incidentally, we are intending to allow vicars to sell indulgences again. So anyone with a shred of guilty conscience can pay their way to Heaven. We want to return the Church to the peak of its mediaeval glory.”
The sale of the BBC will free its Brexity bosses to sell advertising space for the new religion. The Director General, Lynam Pockitts, is looking forward to applying the same standards in force at its parent company.
“This is the end of any suggestion of bias,” said Pockitts. “From now on, our content will be dictated by the wishes of our sponsors and advertisers. And as we are now owned by the Yanks, there’s jack shit you can do about it!”
Rumours of subterranean rotation activity at Lord Reith’s grave are as yet unconfirmed.