The strangest winter migration of all is occurring, right now in the UK. The nation’s unicorns have decided to move, as a body, out of the UK and onto the continent.
The unicorn is normally a shy and reclusive creature. It does not migrate or hibernate in winter, although small localised movements have always occurred. Now there is a completely overt and unashamed exodus taking place. Even the most stubborn, traditionally found in the affluent Home Counties, are on the move. Reports indicate that both leprechauns and the tooth fairy have joined the march.
LCD Views was fortunate enough to talk to one of the unicorn leaders, Faith Overfacts, as she floated south-eastwards upon her magic rainbow.
“People have finally stopped believing in us,” said Overfacts, with a touch of bitterness. “Our hold over the imagination of the public has been slipping for a while, but the Prime Minister’s botched deal with the European Union was the final straw. So we are escaping from the horse-tile environment.”
Is not even the powerful adulation of small girls enough to keep you here?
“The sad reality of the situation is that even small girls understand that unicorns are fictional,” replied Overfacts sadly. “The unbelief is restricting our movements and destroying our breeding grounds. We have been belittled and mocked, depicted as donkeys wearing a traffic cone, or mules in party hats. Our continental neighbours are far more understanding. We are show jumpers, not queue jumpers.”
The good ship Brexit is going down with all hands. The unicorns are fleeing the sinking ship.
One man has decided to take unilateral action. Watching his leadership ambitions float away with the unicorns, Michael Gove has sprung into action. He has travelled to Dover with as much barbed wire as he can lay his clammy hands on, in order to trap the fleeing beasts. As usual, he is taking action without taking responsibility as the unicorns can evade him without any difficulty.
Magical thinking is leaving the country bereft of fairy tales. And they certainly will not live happily ever after.