“F*ck business and the tax revenue and jobs that depend on it!” Boris Johnson will bumble and aaa, and err from a loudhailer today as he takes his fight to be the leader of the modern Conservative Party into London’s square mile.
The rousing speech by the Old Etonian will be delivered non-stop for several minutes from the top of an open topped battle bus with “F*ck business!” emblazoned on the side of it and parked outside of Liverpool Street train station.
The choice of location for the protest drew this inquiring tweet from his colleague Nadine Dorries. “Why park on a street in Liverpool if you want to make yourself heard in London?”
And she wasn’t alone in rounding savagely on the cyclops of British politics.
”I’ll be staging a counter protest,” Chris Grayling (MP for Failing-everything-Failing) told us, taking time out from his schedule of watching ‘Thomas the Tank Engine’ shows for research purposes.
”I won’t let Boris have the roads uncontested just when the leadership contest is about to begin,” Grayling explained, while repeatedly stabbing himself in the face with a fork, “there will be competition from hundreds of thousands of stressed out commuters finding alternative ways to get to work after mass train cancellations and my own counter protest, battle bus with ‘Fcuk planes, trains and automobiles!’ written in magic marker on the side.”
But Boris is sure to grab the most attention as he’ll be assisted by his old friend David Davis.
”Davis is back from his unofficial trip to the United States to undermine British government policy in a privateer style and he’ll be riding alongside Boris with some massive breasted woman wearing his old campaign tee shirts, the DD ones, that crack thought up by the LBC shock jock. I just hope it rains! Ha! Hoot! Hoot!”
It looks like the stage is set in central London for a fight for the very soul of everything the Tories have managed to f*ck right up.