A state of emergency has been declared in the corridors of power and the Palace of Westminster evacuated after so many Brexit MPs lost their shit so seriously the HoC sewers overflowed.
Even as we go to print emergency crews are deciding whether or not it’s worth donning biohazard suits and attempting to rescue the gaggle of confused BBC journalists who haven’t known wtf is going on since Cameron successfully riddled the BBC with Tory placemen, put up by secretly funded rightwing thinktanks to sow the seeds for a fascist takeover of the U.K.
As to the Brexit MPs themselves, they’re voiding all their bowels and then scarpering away from the devastation lest they inadvertently have to take responsibility for their own political project.
”Dominic Raab was second to run,” our correspondent reports, “trousers around his ankles and in a state best described as scatological and infantile. To see him leap over security cordons with his Y fronts tangled about his knees was impressive to say the least. But with a turd the size of Mount Doom at his back, he had the motivation to scarper.”
Raab was second of many, after the first resignation this morning of a Tory MP no one has ever heard of, who was put up to start the mass shitathon with the promise of being made Chancellor once Jacob Rees-mogg becomes PM at lunchtime.
”McVey was third. She was seen desperately trying to drag Mourdant down a corridor just brimming with loose stools, before giving her up and demanding a team of malnourished children be assembled to carry her to safety.”
The Victorian sewers under the old palace have coped with nearly two centuries of mental shit from Britain’s political class, but a mass voiding of Brexiters, faced with the near fulfillment of their own crap, has proven too much.
”It’s certain to be a tsunami of crap that threatens not only the capital, but England itself. We can only surmise that whoever is in charge of assembling the portaloos along the M4 should have been looking at College Green for placements instead.”
More on this as the Brexiters void their bowels and the political system struggles to flush away the mountain of Brexshit.