The sensational statement is the latest variation on Theresa May’s catchphrase “No deal is better than a bad deal”. The latest version has caught opponents off guard.
“Nobody thought they could be that stupid,” remarked Remainer Bergen DiPassport. “No Deal means cutting all ties, throwing the country on the scrapheap. It’s like cutting out your heart because you don’t like it being controlled by the brain.”
Nevertheless, it seems to be the truth. “The referendum result was 100% decisive,” claimed David Lidlington on Radio 4FS. “In the same way, nothing is agreed until everything is agreed, which means 95%. The people have made that decision, and we are damned if we are going to give them a chance to decide anything else ever again!”
“But you are, or were, a Remainer,” insisted interviewer Rick Nobinson weakly. “Why did you go all Brexity?”
“It’s the will of the people, Nobby,” Lidlington replied. “The people being, in this case, the rest of the Cabinet, who are hanging on as long as possible before dramatically quitting, retiring to France and leaving those left behind to tidy up the mess.”
In other words, I’m alright Jack. So long and thanks for all the votes.
It’s such a mess. The BBC has reporters who admit that they simply have no idea. Politicians of all shades persist in backing the Brexit line because they fear the backlash from Leavers more than that from Remainers. The entire Johnson family is allegedly so conflicted that they are threatening to vote Labour. Shitshow means shitshow.
In this febrile atmosphere, it would only take one feisty person armed with a sharp pin to prick the Brexit bubble. Unfortunately, pins have been banned on Health & Safety grounds.
Perhaps there is a glimmer of hope after all. Perhaps we have all read it wrong. After all, there is no deal better than the deal we have right now.