Comrade Nigel Farage, Russian ambassador to Little England, gave much needed support today to the Downing Street plan to place all British fish in protective custody, on land, to ensure they aren’t stolen by Brussels during the closing stages of Brexit negotiations.
”I wasn’t awarded the award of the Hero of the Russian Federation because I wasn’t deeply concerned about British fish,” Farage told listeners to his breakfast programme, ‘A little dose of fash and cash’ on seriously confused broadcaster LBC today, “and my in-depth knowledge tells me that the traitor Ms May is finally seeing sense about how to protect British fishing and not have the entire industry stolen by the thugs in Brussels when it more properly should be bundled off and sold to the highest overseas bidder under the noses of indepdent operators at home.”
Under plan, said to be the brainchild of Environment Secretary Michael Gove and a hell of a lot of wishful thinking, all British fish will be written to by the Home Office and ordered to immediately present themselves for safekeeping at a British port.
The fish will then be transported to specially built dry land holiday camps, where they will wait out the reminder of Brexit negotiations and the construction of the deep water wall to be built around the British isles once we have successfully reclaimed our waters from the tyrants across the Channel.
”Lock them up!” Nigel “the rouble” Farage exalted his rapt listener, “and then throw away the key! See what Juncker makes of that!”