Fantastic news today for a country now dedicated to the wisdom of penny wise and pound foolish macroeconomic wonderstuffing with the announcement from the Palace of Westminster that they are going to save millions anally by keeping the lights in House of Come Off It! permanently switched off.
”No one is ever home anyway,” Mr Cranium, superintendent at HoC, told LCD Views,
“even when the old joint is heaving with MPs desperately voting for whatever so they can nip down to a taxpayer subsidised lunch, before all the creme brûlée is gone, you couldn’t say anyone was home, no matter how frantically the fluoro lights are buzzing.”
The cost saving measure is timely too, with MPs about to return to work (using the word loosely) after having pissed away several months avoiding their constitutionally stipulated work of careful governance.
”See how much the executive has gotten done while the lights have been off? They’ve created a whole new minister! Food security and ration app creation. And they dreamt up Chequers! They couldn’t have gotten that done stumbling around the HoC in the dark of their thoughts, bumping into each other all the time. Blowflies against window panes.”
The money saved will be put to good use too.
”Stockpiling mostly, for when the government succeeds in making a success of Brexit and Light Globe Britain strides forth onto the seas to introduce itself to puzzled heads of state wondering what the fcuk happened to the old Britain.”
And what will be stockpiled?
”Incandescent light bulbs. Mostly they’ll be suspended over the MPs’ heads to symbolise just how damn clever they were to think about appointing a food supply minister before intentionally breaking our food supply chains. That’s forward planning right there, that is. They can turn the bulbs on when they have another bright idea. We don’t expect that’ll add to the lighting bill at all.”