The latest consensus on what could go on the People’s Vote ballot paper is another binary choice. Theresa May’s Blind Brexit or Jeremy Corbyn’s Sleepwalking Brexit.
This week’s Labour Party conference confirmed that it was still thinking about whether to Brexit or not. It considered the possibility of putting the decision to the British public. In the end, to cement its position, Momentum activists were sent to the hardware shop for timber and concrete. If we are going to sit on the fence, one insider suggested, might as well make sure it’s robust.
Labour is playing such a long game, it’s as if they left the room for a comfort break, and, instead of returning to the game, went on holiday instead.
As a result, it looks like we will have a choice between two evils. The country is at an impasse, caught between Corbyn’s irresistible farce and May’s immovable objection.
Political expert Rob Da Poore analysed the two options for us. “May has blinkered herself,” claims Da Poore. “See no evil, you know. Her red lines prevent any progress. Instead she is regressing towards the cliff edge and certain doom. Whereas Corbyn is making superficially attractive statements. He is promising to shake the magic money tree for the benefit of the many. But he is hamstrung by the promise to respect the referendum result. By saying much but doing little, he, too, is wandering towards the abyss.”
Surely the opinions of the People are important, so we spoke to everyman Joe Public. “I’m not bothered,” said Public. “If we are heading for oblivion either way, it doesn’t matter, does it? So long as I can still go to Star Wars conventions, I don’t care.”
Public revealed that he intends to vote Jedi should there ever be another election. “I can cope with their plans for world domination,” he explains.
Enjoy the rattling of lightsabres. May the farce be with you.