Famous mental laxative manufacturers, ERG, have thrown themselves into the swirling maelstrom of shit that passes for U.K. politics nowadays with a nifty proposal to solve the Irish Border problem.
”With just six hundred miles of winding and turreted walls, built in the Norman fashion that has done so much to boost tourism across the Irish Sea in Wales, we can neatly solve the problem of the Irish Border which has long vexed the European Union with its complexity [but remains impressively easy to solve for British Brexit MPs].”
The walls, to be built of stone made from newly constructed border housing, now marked for demolition, will also have tunnels to let the water flow through.
”Whatever direction the water flows on that island, be it north to south, south to north, west to east or up to down, boating will not be inhibited. In fact we suggest tourist day tours, with relevant immigration checks, will be a boon to the population of the area and easily replace any income lost to farming once a great big wall unnecessary wall appears on the landscape.”
The ERG suggest building of the wall should begin immediately,
”as we intend to do our utmost to crash the U.K. out of the EU in order to maximise the profit from the shorting of the pound that so many of our colleagues are betting on.”
Quite what the people of Northern Ireland or the Republic will make of the proposal was addressed also.
”We are the ERG. We don’t give a fig. You will be assimilated. And anyway, if we start letting one former colony dictate British foreign policy that’s hardly a good foundation for when we lay down the terms to India for the return of the Raj, after our successful Brexit leaves us free once more to trade with the world.”
As a final point the ERG added,
”Everyone is so damned up in arms about our suggestions to use new technology to police what was once an invisible border that enabled a fragile peace, we presume they’ll be just chuffed with the idea of using old, tried and tested wall technology.”
It’s expected the BBC will later report this development with the headline ‘ERG triumphs as Irish Border problem solved by ERG’.