We will be saved! LCD Views is pleased to reassure the great British public today that all will be well in the advent of a no deal Brexit.
The reassurance comes after the government minister responsible for running operation ‘Yellowhammer’ was filmed shopping at Homebase for a yellow hammer.
”He was also buying red, white and blue striped paint,” A. Peace-o’-Timba MP (Two-on-Planks) told us exclusively.
A. Peace had invited our correspondent down to the civil disaster planning office to watch the preparations for planning a complete and total civil disaster.
”It makes a nice change from trying to deal with unexpected calamity,” A. Peace smiled, “to actually be planning to create the catastrophe. It gives you a head start.”
As to the actual yellow hammer purchased by the minister in charge, we weren’t able to view it.
”It’s been borrowed by the minister’s son for some DIY job at home,” A. Peace shrugged, “but it’s okay. We’ve a receipt. There’s an actionable trail. It’s not what you’d call an expense fiddle. The hammer will be returned in time for use in next year’s disaster.”
Other items on the shopping list at the time are believed to be non-stick wallpaper, a left handed screwdriver and a Northern Ireland Minister who actually has the foggiest about Northern Ireland and its relations and history with the Republic, so not the newly appointed minister then.
”I’m sure some critics and smart Alec’s will mock the purchase of the yellow hammer,” A. Peace continued, “say we’re wasting valuable taxpayers’ money on something that will never be needed, but this is just sensible governance. We’re planning the disasters. We’re not waiting for them to catch us by surprise.”
Just so and well done.
This certainly isn’t a case of a hammer to crack a nut, as the nut itself will clearly be way, way too big for a hammer to crack.