Britain’s greatest statesman since Alfred the Great, Dominic Raab MP (for alleged vested interests) has reportedly been rushed to A&E after finally reviewing the No Deal Brexit preparations.
”It happened after that bully civil service attack dog Olly Robbins, who basically runs the government now, forced Raab to read the secret civil service files on no deal Brexit preparations while form prefect Theresa was watching.”
It appears reading what lies ahead for the rapidly dis-uniting kingdom under his own government’s incompetence, and pursuit of the demands of high net worth tax dodgers to clear out of the EU before April next year, caused Mr Raab to clench. And clench hard.
And then clench even harder still.
”And he just kept clenching tighter the deeper in he got,” our insider reports, although we are yet to corroborate their account,
“by the time he got to the hilarious idea of floating batteries in the Irish Sea he was in obvious pain,
”It’s bad enough that some schoolboy schooled him on the scuppering of democratic legitimacy because of the criminality in the opinion poll, he should not then have been faced with the deliberate idea of killing off diabetics to ease NHS budget pressures. He almost got a nosebleed before the parliamentary select committee for Executing the U.K. as it was,
”He should have been sent home to recover with his favourite game of kick the can and given the rest of the week off.”
And it seems even if NHS professionals are successful in their presumed plan to jam him full of laxatives and some sort of loosening device, the damage will be done.
”The other boys are already calling him ‘the sphinxter’ now. It’s a nickname I fear will stick and presumably have a Pavlovian impact. It’s likely he’ll never be able to crap himself freely again, which for a Secretary of State for Brexit, that could lead to permanent disability.”
Wait until ATOS get a hold of him.