EU bombshell as Barnier offers to tear up single market

Chief EU Brexit negotiator Michel Barnier, which translates into English as Michael Barrier, dropped a bombshell today by offering to tear up the EU’s single market rules in one especial circumstance.

”You must understand this offer comes straight from the very top of the EU superstate,” Michael told reporters in Brussels, “Angela has ordered me to allow cherry picking of the EU’s single market after Margaret Thatcher visited her in a dream.”

It appears in the dream, described as a nightmare by many observers, Margaret Thatcher visited Angela Merkel and said if British remainers get behind Brexit on social media and stop talking the U.K. down, it will be okay to destroy any pillar of the single market Brexshittingtremist Tories, or their colleagues, the Lexitshittingtremists, demand.

Clearly the only reason they have so far not done so is not the agreed legal framework by which a multi-national union of countries functions, but the sense that there wasn’t enough faith in Brexit in the U.K.

”As it was the ghost of a British leader telling Angela what to do she has no choice but to follow orders. So I make this offer today. British based service businesses may have full ongoing and unfettered access to the EU single market, regardless of what withdrawal deal we agree, if any, and even if Downing Street under Boris Johnson (come October) refuses to pay the extortionate divorce bill, but first remoaners must be more patriotic and start supporting Brexit on Facebook and Twitter.”

The abrupt capitulation by the EU side is not a surprise, as we are British.

Temporary Prime Minister Theresa Mayhem is yet to respond to the offer, but is believed to have just shrugged when she heard it.

”The EU knows Britain holds all the cards,” a Downing Street insider told LCD Views, “they were always going to fold sooner or later. As British people are more patriotic. We just needed to show it sufficiently on social media and then stand back and watch the EU break its laws, rules, treaties, whatever was necessary,

”The fact they haven’t even begun to stockpile food or turn the autobahn into a lorry park just shows how unprepared they are for a no deal scenario. I would say it would have been far easier for people to have stopped tweeting against Brexit. That was the only thing stopping this being the easiest deal in history.”

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