The German capital of Berlin breathed a collective sigh of relief Saturday as Irish mega bores U2 were forced to halt their performance in the city’s Olympic Stadium after lead singer Bongo allegedly lost his voice.
In a statement issued after the band left the stage U2 apologised for the cancellation which they blamed on a dodgy pint of lager and a Currywurst the be-stetsoned Bongo had consumed prior to the gig, which had stripped him of the ability to wail at high volume.
The stupidly rich band promised they’d be back to complete their set just as soon as their accountants had managed to write of the extra expense as a tax loss, via whatever tiny former UK island colony they’re channelling their earnings through this week.
However spectators at the stadium built for the 1936 “Nazi” Olympics, were quick question whether the band’s disappearance from the stage might have been down to Bongo taking umbrage at the less than enthusiastic response of the German crowd.
“He’d just launched into the chorus of ‘I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For’ when someone at the front yelled out ‘Well why don’t you f*ck off somewhere else and look for it then’,” explained rock fan Irmin Schmidt, who had been seated two rows from the front.
As those around started sniggering uncontrollably, Bongo suddenly stopped singing, consulted with one of the crew, and then marched offstage followed by the rest of the group, explained Schmidt.
Adding that whoever it was Bongo spoke to was wearing a rather dull grey suit and carrying calculator.
“He looked more like a financial consultant than a roadie,” he added.
A spokesman for U2’s record label, Island Sunday denied reports that the band were now working on a cover version of 4′33″ by experimental American composer John Cage.
The original score for the piece instructs musicians to do precisely nothing for the allotted four minutes thirty-three seconds., with the “music” being provided solely by ambient background noise.
However commenting on the reports Elliot Trailer-Parks, editor in exile of bankrupt former music paper Melody Maker suggested that a shift from the traditional rock genre into experimental classical music could be just the thing to boost U2’s global appeal.
“Successfully extending the Cage piece over an entire album, or concert, would enable them to reach an entire new audience who’d currently rather gnaw their own legs off than listen to a single U2 song,” he mused.