Cosmologists Friday announced the surprise discovery of what is believed to be one of the most ancient galaxies, hidden in the lining of Michael Gove’s jacket pocket
“It was quite bent and there was a cloud of cosmic fluff adhering to the bitten end but it was definitely a Galaxy,” said BBC cosmology presenter Dr Brian Cox explaining that it’s currently unclear whether the Galaxy is one that had slipped through a wormhole in the fabric of space time, or had just slipped through the fabric of his jacket pocket.
“Obviously he’s Scottish but that’s no reason to suggest that the demented, tight arsed tw*t had deliberately hidden it there in order to avoid sharing with his cabinet colleagues who don’t share his support for a rigidly hard and unbending Brexit,” he explained.
Cox went on (and let’s face it, he does rather..), explaining that the eccentric, non-planar trajectory of Gove’s unusual political career, suggests a personality that is completely out of kilter with reality.
“Or possibly out of a kilt,” he said, explaining that even using their most sensitive instruments scientists at Jodrell bank have been unable to detect any grain of truth in anything he’s ever said.
“It’s quite uncanny, he orbits in such fanatical right wing circles that we fear that he’s drifted ideologically beyond the orbit of Saturn,” explained Cox, adding that he had made efforts to warn Gove but to no effect.
“I shouted to him, ‘ Michael our radio telescope suggests that you’re talking from Uranus’ but he didn’t reply,” said Cox sadly suggesting that the problem could be due to the sheer eccentricity of his orbit which could indicate that he has already morphed into a “TNO”.
“A Trans Normality Object, it’s a technical term we cosmologists use to describe any bloke in a skirt insistent on exiting not just the European Union but also the Solar System, and quite possibly the known universe,” he laughed, adding that if that was the case, the only hope of a return to front line politics would be through a worm hole.
“But our observations indicate the only one suitable is already blocked up by Boris Johnson, who’s just too fat to squeeze through,” he said.