Brexit Goldbuyers have announced the opening of their first high street store, promising to turn your unused wedding bands into dough.
”What is that cold bit of metal doing just sitting on your finger?” Steve Baker MP (Asset on Strip – Conservative, well, really UKIP) demanded as he stood with a giant pair of scissors, ready to cut the ribbon (UKIP colours) on the first store.
”You shouldn’t be feeling guilt over the empty plates on your dining table, when the solution is here now today. Turn that poor person’s low carat ring into dough!”
Snip went the scissors! And the purple and gold ribbon didn’t part. Baker tried again. And again.
Baker put the scissors down and attempted to rip the ribbon, casually.
It wouldn’t rip. He gave it up.
”It looks like this ring was made by enemies of the people!” He laughed, by himself.
”But all our bread rolls are made of 100% British exceptionalism and Brexit Goldbuyers promises you, the hungry public, the weight in bread of your unnecessary finger trinket today!”
The excitement on the high street over, we phoned up Kamal, BBC news editor, for comment on this exciting high street move.
”Brexit Goldbuyers promise to revitalise the British high street which has been hammered by EU reluctance to tackle the large scale tax avoidance of giant digital retailers and the high rate of business rates Junker orders HMG to charge hardworking mum and dad shopkeepers in the U.K.”
It seemed he was just reading out an ERG press release.
”With Project Fear ramping up again by way of irresponsible stories about threats to food supplies post Brexit, Steve Baker and his ERG friends, are offering a unique, but traditional way for hungry British families to put bread in their mouths, not just from March 30th 2019, but today.”
This is fantastic news. It seems Steve Baker is baking up a steal! Get down there before the bread rolls roll away!
As to what Brexit Goldbuyers intend to do with the gold they kindly take off your fingers, you can be sure neither the BBC in its current form, or the majority of right wing owned print media in the U.K. will do diddly squat to find out.