Death broke with tradition today and made public his preference for the kind of Brexit the U.K. should pursue.
“It’s no secret I voted leave,” Death told a surprised gaggle of BBC journalists, “and I made my own mind up. I wasn’t swayed by a big red bus.”
Death’s addressing the various options open to the U.K. as it approaches the end of the Article 50 notification period was a surprise, most of the gathered journalists expected the Grim Reaper to focus solely on the current government’s record while in government, and not hypotheticals about the future.
Death smoothed concerns by offering to make them tea.
But why the support for No Deal?
”It should be obvious,” Death smirked, “isn’t it obvious?”
To the journalists in the room it appeared not to be.
”Look, most of you are current BBC hacks,” Death continued, “I would have thought a little research could answer it for you? Never mind. I have these friends who stand to personally benefit from Hard Brexit. And you look after the people who keep you in office.”
The friends referred to appeared to actually be very well known to human kind throughout history and sadly, still today. Why the bleeding obvious was confusing for BBC employees is anyone’s guess.
”Famine, clearly, he’s pushing for No Deal. Disruptions to food chains is his nosebag. When you consider the massive increase in poverty under May’s tenure and the escalation in cost of food, famine is gunning for this,
”War? He’s a long term planner, so he likes the direction of travel and thinks Brexit could undo the harm done to his profession in Europe by a European peace project. Conquest? He just likes to get his hands dirty and the prospects of no deal excite him. He feels confident in victory whatever happens.”
Asked what he thought about the prospect of a ‘People’s Vote’ on whatever deal May achieves, Death was dismissive.
”What deal? She ain’t no deal maker. And after the mess they made in 2016, why would you trust the people with it again? You just need to have faith and get behind Brexit.”
We did ask Life for comment to provide balance to what Death had to say but only received the following,
”I’m keeping well away from that Brexit shitshow. Nothing to do with me. Death can have it.”