LCD Views is relieved today to learn that the explanation for Boris Johnson (MP for…hopefully not much longer) having been seen wearing a white bedsheet as a hat is it’s “just Boris being Boris”.
Both the explainer and the relief were provided this morning to the nation thanks to John Humphrys, on the flagship BBC Radio 4 Today programme, just before he went on to read out his personal favourites from both Breitbart and The Daily Mail and allegedly anything else far right dark money decides promotes the tax haven agenda by way of the once trusted BBC.
“The tiki torch was because the lighting was bad,” Humphrys added, it is said off his own bat, “but it’s just as well Boris kept the torch at arm’s length, or he could have been a fire hazard. It’s almost like he’s been practising in private with a coach,”
No one would want Boris to use incorrect torch handling methods, given that Boris’ pants are a daily fire hazard anyway anytime he opens his mouth or picks up a pen to jot down his £260K a year Torygraph column.
“So it’s not racism then?” we inquired, while meeting with Mr Humphrys later to discuss the correct rate of pay for our female staff.
“Well, if anyone else had been seen wearing a pointy white hat with eyes cut into it it would clearly have been a racist statement designed to whip up bigotry to promote an ill conceived and toxic agenda of personal, political advancement by feeding of the insecurities and fears of people who need to get out more.”
But not with Boris?
“Of course not, he’s a protected species. It’s just Boris being Boris.”
It’s a relief to understand this so quickly. And we will wipe our fevered brow and move on to more pressing topics. Here we were thinking the long catalogue of Mr Johnson employing racist language might have meant Boris just being Boris was a negative thing. And even that he should have the Conservative Party whip removed by a leader now famous for decisive, moral judgement in order to protect the standards that allow a modern society to survive and thrive.