Curious news for Britain’s pound store Donald Trump today with the announcement that Boris Johnson is no longer able to see himself in mirrors or ponds.
”Still ponds,” an aide to the deceitful, wannabe populist, fascist appeasing, blonde shitshow told LCD Views, “no matter what the depth.”
And depth it seems is a key metric in consideration of the man who flailed and failed to free British citizen Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe from an Iranian prison while running the foreign office.
”That’s calculator Phil’s fault for not stumping up the readies,” the aide explained, “nothing is Boris’ fault. Not even a big red bus full of lies that convinced enough people to vote for economic and civil suicide.”
It has been known for sometime that mirrors were no longer working for Mr Johnson, since his devolution into vampirism, but the confirmation that ponds are now also not functioning for self reflection is raising eyebrows.
”It’s a clear health and safety issue,” the aide commented, “if he can’t stare at himself and fall in love all over again, daily, how will he keep himself afloat?
“The adoration of the aged and dying Tory membership will only get you so far when you know that you’ve created such a tangled web of personal and public deceits only monumental self love can create a sufficient barrier to the psyche destroying awareness you’re a steaming pile.”
Although it’s not all bad, as our narcissistic political tendencies analyst confirms,
”Falling into a pond and sinking to the depths is the next natural step for Boris,” they said, “now he’s attempting to further his rotting career by, it seems, taking the advice of Bannon and using racist and essentially Nazi cliches to propogate islamophiba, living full time in the company of pond life is where Mr Johnson is at.”