Stick ‘em up! Law change allows bank robbers to keep loot if they can get away with it for 2 years 9 months

The old adage that if you can’t do the time don’t do the crime has taken on new meaning today with the announcement by Downing Street that they have changed the law to allow bank robbers to keep the loot if they can get away with it for 2 years 9 months.

”We used the new powers in the EU Withdrawal Bill to change the law,” Mr Crook MP (Tory, Rotten Borough) told LCD Views.

Under the changes the only wrong doing is not even being caught, but failing to stay on the run for a sufficient length of time.

”The world has moved on,” Mr Crook, who has a sideline in emerging markets and disaster capitalism, said, “it’s only right that the law reflects the change.”

Asked why two years and nine months was chosen as the length of time you need to keep ahead of the long arm of the law to secure your ill gotten gains, Mr Crook (Tory MP, Rotten Borough and Abolishing Rule of Law – boundary change occurred during interview) was less coherent.

”Oh, it’s just a nice round number. Nothing at all to do with the length of time between the EUref in 2016 and the day the U.K. falls screaming into a void of feudalism in 2019.”

LCD Views commends the far reach and imagination of ministers using new sovereign powers that parliament gifted them, meaning that parliament has to do a lot less going forward.

”We can spend more time on constituency work now,” Mr Crook winked, “you know, putting out the fires that will start once food supplies dry up.”

Or fanning them?

”Oh yes, there’s plenty of money to be made in civil disorder and societal breakdown. I mean. Um,” Mr Crook shrugged, “you know what I’m up to. Whether or not enough of you give a shit to do anything about it before March 29th 2019 is the rub.”

That said we helped Mr Crook turn a double barrelled shotgun into a sawn off one that could be concealed under his coat.

”Let’s get down to the Bank of England.”

Good idea! I’ll drive.

”Great. We’ve got to swing by Islington North to pick up the lookout…”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *