The NHS is set for a record cash windfall as the opinions of Iain Duncan Smith and other ERG members are to replace GP consultations in a move saving NHS billions.
”The initiative was Jacob Rees-mogg’s idea,” an aide to Irritable Duncan Smith told our health correspondent,
“they were having a WhatsApp group discussion over what’s the desired, mandatory rate of birth to compel women by law to meet after Brexit, to make Britain great again, when someone decided they should call an expert in the field of reproduction,
”No one wanted to talk to Boris though, so they decided to set the birth rate at the level decided by whoever had the strongest opinion.”
This breakthrough in future governance of the United Kingdom led to a light bulb moment.
”It’s already been trialled successfully on Radio 4 news programmes for the last couple of years anyway. Whenever some politically motivated, so called expert bangs on opining over the field they’ve spent decades working in, Sarah Sands ensures some objectively focused, non-political blowhard from the ERG is on for “balance”. You know to scream project fear and deny reality.”
NHS bosses are yet to give their opinion on the move.
”Whatever they say will be less qualified than Iain anyway,” the aide said, “so what’s it matter what they say? Just think of the money saved? It’s an end to NHS austerity right now.”
The opinions will be available on prescription. Just phone Iain up and describe what is ailing you and he’ll tell you what he thinks it is. We can have a fire sale of all that over hyped medical equipment now.”
But what if Iain says you need an operation? That your condition is life threatening?
”It won’t happen. Iain doesn’t do Project Fear. He sticks solely to project whatever he thinks the backers of Brexit want to hear.”