The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse have warned that they may be forced to depart the UK, if the government fails to secure a Brexit deal with the European Union.
The four equestrian harbingers of doom last night swooped down unnoticed on Downing Street and nailed their warning, written in blood on human vellum, to the door of Number 10, from where it was retrieved by trembling civil servants and delivered to an ashen faced Theresa May.
A copy of the warning faxed to the media explained that the four, PESTILENCE, WAR, FAMINE and DEATH had become increasingly worried that their ability to engage in apocalyptic activities would be severely compromised if they lost the freedom of movement they have enjoyed with the UK as a member of the European Union.
As such they explained that they had been actively considering a move to Cologne, which having been all but destroyed in the second world war and rebuilt entirely in concrete, is, in terms of sheer unadulterated grimness, the closest they could find to Sunderland.
“However we finally plumped for the Dordogne, to be close to some of our long time Conservative friends like former Chancellor Lord Lawson,” explained WAR, in an exclusive interview with LCD Views.
WAR explained that their departure was likely to be accomplished in stages; in part due to the need to secure adequate stabling for the horses, but also to allow for them to optimise their remaining UK based operations.
“Given the anticipation of food and medicine shortages, FAMINE and PESTILENCE will be remaining in situ long enough to take advantage of what are clearly golden opportunities, for our respective sectors,” he said explaining that the possibility of the outbreak of civil war means that he too may be obliged to stick around.
“Frankly I’d be daft not to, especially with country about to be flooded with downloadable plastic guns” he smirked, adding that despite what most people would expect however, DEATH would be leaving the UK at the first available opportunity.
“If those LEAVE voting gammon faced idiots thought they could escape the seven circles of living hell that will be post-Brexit Britain, by falling off their respective perches, shuffling off their mortal coil, popping their cloggs, kicking the bucket, or joining the choir invisible, they’d better think again – they’ll be suffering BREXIT for ALL eternity,” he cackled.