The current Foreign Secretary, Jeremy Hunt, is to undergo an exorcism later today after confirmation of his possession by the disgraced Foreign Secretary, Boris Johnson.
”We were immediately suspicious when Boris Johnson announced he was resigning as Foreign (to the truth) Secretary,” Brexorcist Re Ality told LCD Views, “it seemed more like something the devil would do. That being a devilish trick. Pretend to resign, but actually stay in office in spirit form waiting to possess the next encumbant. This is because the Boris Johnson body is now recognised as a total laughing stock. Whereas the new form was just a laughing stock.”
But suspicions were raised soon after Jeremy Hunt begin his official duties when he failed to recognise his wife while on a taxpayer funded trip to beg the Chinese for money.
”Boris doesn’t know who his wife is,” the brexorcist said, “which is why he has a history of thinking other women are his wife and acting accordingly.”
The gaffe by Mr Hunt was an exact match to the behaviour of Boris Johnson in another way too.
”Can anyone think of an act by Boris Johnson as Foreign Secretary that didn’t embarrass the U.K.?”
No. It was one long disasterous cringe.
“Mr Hunt is determined to carry on this way because he is almost certainly posssssed by Mr Johnson.”
Are there any other signs?
”Yes. He’s gone to Europe and made an idiot of himself attempting to threaten the Germans and French. And now at Conference he’s gone full Boris.”
Anything else?
”He’s been witnessed walking like a crab.”
More?
”His weird eyes are swivelling and he keeps demanding cake. Oh, and he’s dying his hair blonde and refusing to comb it.”
Next he’ll be taking up cycling.
”Can you imagine the terror on the streets?”
So what’s to be done?
”We’re going to strap him to a bed and hit him over the head with a fat old bible flown in from the Vatican especially until Boris Johnson leaves his body in a spray of green projectile vomit.”
And what happens after?
”Then Jeremy Hunt will be our Foreign Secretary.”
And this will be better how?
”Bugger.”