Jacob Rees-Mogg has come up trumps again. In the face of fears over loss of employment and fuel embargoes, His Mogginess has found a remarkable answer.
“These worries aren’t Project Fear, they are Project Opportunity! he crowed. “I have a solution which is as elegant as my Sunday attire. Each faithful Brexiter will be able to employ four stout yeomen. He will pay them using his Brexit Dividend. These yeomen will cheerfully transport the faithful Brexiter to wherever he needs to be.”
They will still need to be fed and watered, though.
“Naturally,” replied Moggy, cattily. “With all the crops being unharvested, due to the regrettable shortage of diesel and prohibition of immigrant workers, one of the four yeomen will be despatched to the fields to forage. The remaining three can bear his share of the burden, and rejoice!”
Rees-Mogg had another ace up his immaculately tailored sleeve. “Naturally, we will also see a renaissance in traditional craftsmen,” he claimed. “For example, woodworkers. Carpenters. Cartwrights and wheelwrights. Constructing traditional litters and carriages!”
What about distribution of imports? Assuming there will be any.
“A lorry has, what, twenty horsepower?” Jacob floundered. “That means, twenty faithful serfs with a horse and cart can be sent to Dover to bring home his Master’s share of the goods. The horses can graze the 13 miles of hard shoulder along the M20, and the manure can be collected and sold!”
So much for the disenfranchised menfolk. What about the women?
“The women will do what women have always done,” replied Rees-Mogg, sighing with relief, on firmer ground now. “They will stay at home, create delicious meals using only grass and mud, and die gratefully in childbirth.”
So the wheel of fortune turns. What goes around comes around. The non-industrial revolution is almost upon us. We got our feudalism back. God bless you M’Lord.